Oh Snap!
by BoredParanoia
Summary: The Left 4 Dead now face a foe that is more stronger than a tank, more sneaky than a hunter, and more deadly than a witch. Featuring drama, feeling and Francis' new fetish for nursery rhymes. Yikes...


Disclaimer: Don't own, Valve does.

"Rain, rain, go away. Come again another day. Little Francis wants to play. Rain, rain, go away…"

"Francis… what the heck…"

Zoey shook her head as Louis and Bill looked at Francis with raised eyebrows. "And they say I take too many pills." "WHAT WAS THAT, LOUIS!" Francis shouted. Louis held out his hands. "Nothing, nothing."

The team was in the middle of the gas station and was looking for a way out. Suddenly, Francis' head snapped up. He put a hand on his head as if he was trying to relieve a headache. Zoey turned to look at Francis with a worried look. "Francis?"

Francis held up a hand. Zoey looked insulted. "Zoey?" Bill and Louis looked back from their search for a way out. Zoey pointed at Francis, who now had pointed out his index and middle finger out and placed them on his forehead. Just like Dragon Z.

"Francis, what the heck? This is no time to have an overdose." Bill gruffly ordered. "Yeah!" Louis interjected. "Louis…" Bill sighed. "Sorry…" Louis apologized.

"Both of you shut it. My weapon sense is tingling." Francis said as he walked off in another direction. Zoey's face had a mask of confusion on it. "His what is tingling?" Louis shrugged. "Either that, or all that ink finally got to his brain." The other two snickered at Louis' comment.

Francis, meanwhile, kept walking until he came to an abandoned building, with debris leaning on the side. With that, Francis' eyes opened up and widened. His face was now covered with a grin that only a child going to the toy store could match. "Gotcha!" He yelled, attracting the attention of the other three.

Their eyes widened as Francis began to walk up the debris. "Dang, since when is Francis' ninja?" Louis thought out loud.

Meanwhile, pairs of eyes were watching the group and Francis walking up the debris. "That's ninja?" The three figures scoffed.

Francis popped his head out to look in the room of the abandoned building. The few zombies noticed the walking tough morsel and immediately were blown away by Francis' pump-action shotgun.

After the carnage, Francis peered inside the room. After what he saw, whooping and hollering could be heard from the outside. "Francis?" Bill asked as he and the others peered inside.

Francis was standing over a table full of weapons, his eyes dancing with childish glee. Yet, as childish as you can get with Francis. "Oh weapons, weapons, weapons. Which one should I get? Sniper Rifle? Nah, too sissy. Assault Rifle? Hmm… Oh! A semi-automatic Shotgun! OH YEAH!!!" With finality, Francis threw back his pump-action shotgun and took up his new weapon.

The others got inside the room and looked around. Louis salvaged the ammo left over from Francis' shotgun and waited. Suddenly a hand covered Louis' mouth and dragged out the window.

"I say we got a lot of goodies." Bill chuckled as he strapped a molotov to his belt as he checked his new assault rifle. Zoey followed suit to check her new sniper rifle, and barely holding in her anger as Francis taunted her about choosing the "girly" weapon.

Then Francis stopped and began to look around. Zoey felt the nerve to touch upon Francis' distress. "What's the matter Francis? Afraid of getting shoot in between the legs?" Francis shook his head. "No, I'm wondering where the heck is Louis."

Soon the distress reached the other two, and they joined Francis in his frantic looking to see a glimpse of the IT worker. Francis then noticed the window and peered outside. When he looked out and down, he gasped. "Louis!"

He went outside with Zoey getting worried, following him. On the ground in front of the building laid Louis. He was laying face flat. His hands a few inches from his shotgun. Francis gulped, and turned to Zoey. Zoey nodded to Francis, and as soon as he recieved confirmation, he turned Louis' body. What they saw made Zoey slap her mouth.

Louis' throat was slit. His eyes showed the deprivation of oxygen. Finally, his chest were riddled with metal spikes. Francis' hand slowly went out and took firm hold of one of the spikes. Then he yanked it free.

Francis and Zoey gulped as they examined the thing. Suddenly, Francis' face took a worried look as he stared up at Zoey. "Where's Bill?"

As if god was so kind to answer his inquiry for him, Bill's body dropped on top of Louis. His back held a katana on it. Zoey fell back in suprise, but Francis was able to catch her as they waited for what's next.

Then three shadows jumped from the building. They landed not making so much as a thump. Francis' heart stood still. He looked down at Zoey, who was shaking so much he looked like she was having a convulsion. He saw Bill's assault rifle near Zoey's feet. Reaching slowly for it, as if the three shadows were predatory lions, he grabbed and handed it to Zoey. Zoey grabbed it and held like she was ready to shoot the shadows like she would to a tank.

Francis finally reached down and grabbed his flashlight. Fumbling it on, he then steeled himself as he aimed the light at the shadows. When the light revealed the shadows, he and zoey were battling pure hysteria.

The three figures were dressed completely in black. They wore japanese feudal sandals. Clothes covered all but their eyes. Their eyes held the light of infection in them. And in their hands, there were katanas.

Francis whispered, "Oh snap... Ninja vampires..." Zoey was too scared to even correct Francis that what he just said was a bit redundant.

Suddenly, the ninja zombies screeched as they ran towards the two. Francis yelled out, "Zoey!" Zoey snapped out of her terror and started to shoot at the zombies. Francis joined in with some from his shotgun. However, none of the rounds made their mark as the ninjas disappeared. Francis gasped then pulled Zoey with him into a shoulder to shoulder.

They were spinning around looking to get a bead on their attackers. Suddenly, Francis grimaced as his upper arm recieved a scratch. Zoey yelped when she recieved a scratch on her cheek. Francis noticed, and with a deep roar, started to empty his clip, hoping to hit something, anything. Suddenly, there was a flash of red and gore. The ninja collasped and was able to look up at Zoey as she aimed her assault rifle.

Francis sighed. "One down, two to go." Not long after those words left his mouth, did their clothes start ripping and numerous scratches showed. "Zoey, move!" Francis shoved Zoey as they retreated against the meriless assault. They soon were cornered at the abandoned gas station.

As the ninjas slowly approached, Zoey turned to Francis. "Francis, I have something to confess." "What?" "I like you." "Uhh...I like you too." "No Francis, I mean, like like you." "Oh...then if we get out, how about some end of the world lovemaking?" "Don't push it, Francis, we're not going to get out anyway." Francis looked around. He began to grin. "Yes, we are. Just follow my lead."

Zoey looked to Francis, her eyebrow raised. Francis simply shot her a grin.

The ninjas were closing in, closer, closer, closer... "Now!" At that moment, the ninjas jumped onto the spot where Francis and Zoey were. The two ran out. Francis turned and shot the gas tank. The Ninjas gasped suprise as they tried to get out.

_**BOOM!!!**_

The gas raptured and the gas station became a whole flaming fireball. Zoey got up and saw Francis incapitated. "Come on, hero, wake up." Francis jumped. "Now where's that night you promised?" Zoey smirked as she closed his mouth. "When we find Louis and Bill and we get into a safehouse." Francis grinned. "Sounds good to me."

Suddenly, there was a screech, as hordes came out of every corner. Zoey gasped, Francis' grin turned into a frown. "Oh snap."

**_Intermission!_**

Yep Intermission, but don't fret, this is going to be the best intermission ever, you might check out this fanfic for this intermission only. Now presenting for your enjoyment: The ... umm... where's Smoker and Witch? Ah. Well, what little of the band we have, please welcome "Infect!"

A hooded hunter came up to the stage. "Thank you everybody, we'll be performing one of our old piece tracks. Tank!"

Music and the song starts.

Where is the life we had at the most  
We only like to kick up the leaves and moan  
We see that your blue eyes turned to grey  
We see that you let yourself go away  
And we need some carrion

But I don't mean carrion like that  
I don't like roadkilled rat  
You say that I'm a bit mad  
And I'll respond to that  
By biting your neck

Cause we are infected  
We have blank lookin' eyes  
I'm sorry if you don't want to die.  
You wanna scream loud  
We don't hate you  
I used to be normal, an everyday guy  
We are undead  
The bloodlust don't lie  
I'm coming back up as a zombie  
We are undead  
We are undead

Look at me right here today  
I used to be a hoodie guy  
Now I can leap up on high

Cause We're Infected I'm sorry if you aren't a goth

You wanna curse us

Just don't shout in the ear  
We'll be mad and rip off your head  
We are Hordies  
The dead guys don't lie  
You're coming back up and you might not come down  
Cause we are undead

(Oh.. Shotguns..)

Now look at Boomer right here  
His body is full of puke  
Moving on, here's the tank  
He has huge muscles but no bottom jaw

(yeah, it's kinda sucks...)

Oh yeah, the witch's kinda emo but the Smoker  
made her cry  
Now he's getting pwned to the uttermost!!!

Cause We're Infected  
I'm done taking this  
Can you stop being be a racist a**  
It is not like we asked  
to be a zombie  
Since when did we want to be bloodthirsty guys  
We are Hordies  
It's just our nature  
Just be glad we're not Zombie Liu Kang

Cause we're Undead  
Cause we're Undead

**_Intermission end. Sorry for formatting errors._**

The horde was everywhere. They were coming over the walls, breaking down the walls. Oh crud, I think one is climbing out of the bathroom.

"Moan!*" *Holy - man that toilet smells like old man!* Faraway in a closet, Louis sniffed the air. "Bill!!!" Louis shouted as he covered his nose. Bill shrugged. "Not my fault if those 'grapes' were actually prunes."

Zoey held her assault rifle ready, problably imaging their demise, Francis thought as he looked for a way to get rid of the horde. Suddenly, something tugged on his pants. Looking down, it was a crippled ninja zombie now trying to finish Francis. Francis glanced over to Zoey, who had forgotten about the pipe bomb on her belt. Grabbing it (and earning a hard glare,) Francis activated and stuffed it into the ninja's zombies mouth. Then raising the ninja over his head, he heaved it into the crowd of zombies. As he did, he sang:

"Ring around the Pipe Bomb"

"A pocket full of zombies"

"Ashes, ashes,"

"We all..."

BOOM!!!

"...Blow up."

"Seriously Francis, do you like have a fetish for demented nursery rhymes?"


End file.
